Tips for navigating the holidays with a sensitive child
On December 12, 2022 by Calgary's ChildBy Stacie Gaetz
You have plans to create magical Christmas memories of your children staring in awe at sparkling lights, dancing merrily to festive music, gleefully stuffing present-shaped cookies in their mouths at the holiday market and smiling from ear-to-ear on Santa’s knee.
But you can’t even get out of the house since your child is having an epic meltdown because their socks “just don’t feel right.”
It can be incredibly disappointing and frustrating when you plan (and even pay for) activities for your kids and it is a fight to even get out of the door.
However, it’s important that you remember your child isn’t doing this on purpose. In fact, if this is a regular occurrence for your family, there is a good chance your child may be more sensitive than others or (like my five-year-old son) may even have sensory sensitivities or sensory processing disorder.
This means that their nervous systems are wired in a way that they process information received from their senses differently than others.
This can make them more sensitive to sounds, lights, textures, smells, and tastes.
It’s fair to say that all these sensory inputs are rarely more intense than they are at Christmas time so how can you help your sensitive child enjoy the holidays?
Don’t forget the downtime
It is important for children who are sensitive to have predictable and even scheduled times to “just chill.”
Make sure that if you have a busy day scheduled, there are times set aside that your child can take a moment to themselves and relax. This could be a quiet 10 minutes in the car before you go into the next place you are visiting or maybe you can fit in a quick trip back to your house between errands or activities for some downtime.
If your day is just too busy to stop (even for a few minutes), noise cancelling headphones can give your kiddo the sensory break they need even if they are out and about.
For many children (my son included), downtime at night before trying to sleep is important. Make sure to give yourselves enough time to get home and read some books, talk about the day, or listen to some soft music before your child’s bedtime.
Consistency is key
Even during the crazy holiday season, it is important that you child has some level of consistency in their day. Maybe it is watching cartoons in the morning, lunch at home, or reading books before bed. Having something they can count on to be consistent, even during a time when their schedule is different than usual, can help ground a child who would otherwise spiral out of control.
Boundaries and expectations of what is going to come next gives a child a sense of safety, which helps to regulate them.
Kids who are highly sensitive often have anxiety as well. Consistency and structure help reduce this anxiety by creating predictability in their day.
When you have a holiday schedule full of visiting relatives, shopping, Christmas parties and more, it can be hard to keep everything “routine” but when you can hold on to parts of your regular schedule, it is important that you do so.
Set them up for success
Another key to a successful outing with a sensitive child is preparing them for what will happen. Talking about what will take place at the activity you are going to helps them prepare themselves for the event.
Let them know that there is a good chance the mall will be crowded. Tell them that the party will probably have loud Christmas music. Talk to them about the fact that the light display might be very bright and even have flashing lights. Speak a bit about the Santa visit and ask if they would prefer to sit on Santa’s lap or beside him. Would they like you to sit with Santa and they sit on your lap?
Ask them if they would like to try the food your relative’s house or if they would like you to bring something they like along to make sure they aren’t hungry?
Ask them
This brings us to the importance of asking your child what events they would like to take part in and what things they would like to skip. If there is something that you are going to do as a family that they do not want to do, ask them how you can help make it easier for them.
Maybe they would like to bring a fidget toy to keep their hands busy. Perhaps noise cancelling headphones would help block out the sounds that are overwhelming them. A young child may want to bring their favorite stuffy along for comfort during the adventure. A glitter jar can help calm an overstimulated child and a portable one can be made from a plastic water bottle. Packing their favorite crunchy food or a cold drink in a thermos can help distract them. Your older child may want to bring along their notebook/journal or drawing pad. Sunglasses or a brimmed hat could help a child with light sensitivities.
Try not to assume that you know what will help them out. Even very young children may tell you what will make them feel better if you just ask.
This Christmas doesn’t have to involve fighting, tantrums, and silent treatments (at least not every day) if you set everyone in the family up for success and ensure that you create an environment that includes balance, downtime, and predictability.
You don’t have to give up family traditions and abandon making new holiday memories if you communicate with your sensitive family member and work together to take part in activities everyone can enjoy.
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