Communicating to Kids in a Time of Crisis

by Allison Percival with Dr. Wayne Pernell

When crises like the one unfolding in Ukraine occur on the world stage, it’s hard to know what (and how much) to tell our kids. Whether or not we mean to, adults can contribute to anxiety and fear in children by their words, actions and reactions – even something as simple as an off-hand comment about a recent Tweet to your spouse at the dinner table can be picked up and interpreted by your kids as an important piece of information about the world around them. As parents, our most essential task in these moments is to soothe anxieties and fears and provide our children with age-appropriate context (even if we’re feeling anxious ourselves).

Dr. Wayne Pernell, Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology is an expert in breaking down the psychological effects that current events have on the mind and body. He has spoken at length on topics such as pandemic fatigue, fear of missing out, burnout, and fear of failure. He has the following tips for parents and caregivers to help the youth in their lives comprehend what is occurring in Ukraine and calm any fears or anxieties that children may be feeling about these events:

• Be Honest: Children are going to hear about current events whether that be at school, on the playground, on the bus, in the grocery store, or during their extracurricular activities. As much as we may want to shelter our children from the problems of the world, the best thing we can do is to be honest about what is happing in the world around us. 
  
• Ask Questions: Check in with the youth in your life. Ask about their thoughts, emotions, and outlook. Encourage youth to ask questions of their own. 
  
• Inspire an Empathetic Viewpoint: Help children to connect on a deeper level with those who may be struggling. Empathy is a lifelong skill that should be introduced in childhood. Enhancing connection to those we share the world with inspires the next generation of change makers. 
  
• Avoid Charged Language: When speaking with children about difficult events, be sure to limit politically charged, emotional, or aggressive language. Remain neutral and stick to the facts. 
  
• Provide Comfort: Distraction is not always a meaningless defense mechanism, it can be a tool to reset the focus and reduce anxiety. Turn off the news, go on a walk, go get ice cream or enjoy a fun activity together. Read together at night, watch a comedy, and connect over family meal times. 

Our societal obsession with constant updates regarding world events can also impact the harmony of our kids’ lives. Consider turning off the news when your kids are in the room and, as much as possible, keeping your emotional reaction to news updates private until your kids are in bed or out of the room. When discussing opposing sides, try to separate the people who live in a country from their government to avoid creating or enforcing bias against individuals in your community.

Finally, if you are struggling with this or any other unfolding global issue, consider seeking guidance from a counsellor, psychologist or other mental health care professional.

Allison Percival is the Assistant Publisher and Editor-in-Chief of Calgary’s Child Magazine.

Dr Wayne Pernell is a relationship coach, speaker, Best-Selling Author, blogger, and podcast host. He holds a doctorate in clinical psychology and has over three decades of experience in helping accomplished leaders optimize their Mind State and up level their Excellence resulting in greater profitability, presence, and impact. WaynePernell.com/speaker