Cultivating an attitude of gratitude

By Stacie Gaetz

If your family is like mine, Thanksgiving may bring up ideas of more than just turkey and pie.

For years, we have done the tradition of going around the table and saying what each member of the family is thankful for before digging into our Thanksgiving feast.

Unfortunately, more often than not, our kids just spit out the first idea that comes to their minds so they can get to stuffing their faces.

Getting children to take the time to appreciate what they have and feel true gratitude can be tricky. If we are honest, we all tend to lean towards a “grass is greener on the other side” mentality.

However, once you switch your train of thought to the appreciation station, it becomes easier than you might realize to be thankful for what you have.

Last year, we decided to start a new tradition with the Thankful Pumpkin. The concept is simple – You buy a pumpkin and each member of the family writes one thing they are thankful for on it each day.

The kids immediately bought into this idea and loved coming up with new items every day.

Last year, our pumpkin included broad topics like family, food, love and friends, as well as specific interests like robots, scooters, cookies and pools.

It may seem obvious, but the key to gratitude is to shift their focus onto what they have and why it’s special.

1. Say the words

The first step to being thankful is actually saying it out loud. Give your child gentle reminders to say thank you when someone does something nice for them. You can also teach them to write thank you notes to those that go above and beyond for them. Creating a token of their appreciation with their own hands can help the concept sink in. Don’t forget to catch them when they are doing it on their own. Let them know that you appreciate the fact that they thanked their brother for handing them their backpack or their friend’s mom for offering them a drink during a playdate.

2. Ask questions

Help your child understand what is involved in all of the positive things they have in their lives by creating a conversation around it. For example, if they received a gift from a friend, you might ask: “How does this gift make you feel?” “Why do you think your friend gave it to you?” “Wasn’t it nice of them to take the time to make/pick this out for you?” “How does this gift make you feel about your friend?” “How could you show your friend your appreciation for this gift?” “Does this give you any ideas for what you might get your friend?” Your goal is to get them engaged with how they think, feel and respond to the positive things in their life.

3. Acts of kindness

Help your kids brainstorm ideas of things they can do to show appreciation for the people in their lives. This can be anything from writing a simple thank you note to a project like doing yard work for a grandparent who gave them a gift. These acts can also involve volunteering at a non-profit that helps those who are less fortunate – such as the food bank.

4. Model gratitude

It tracks that thankful parents raise thankful children. Take a look at your habits and see what you can do in your life to be more grateful. Make sure you are saying thank you to your children and spouse on a day-to-day basis. It may seem strange to thank your partner for doing chores around the house that they have done for years but it will make both you both feel appreciated if you say a quick “thanks” and give them a kiss on the cheek the next time they take out the trash. Watch the smile spread across your kid’s face when you thank them the next time they actually get their clothes in the laundry hamper. Being grateful for the little things (and displaying that appreciation to those around you) can make a huge difference in the mood of your family members.

5. Family appreciation project

Reading this header may leave you thinking “I don’t have time for another project!” but it can be as easy as the Thankful Pumpkin mentioned above. In lieu of a pumpkin and for something you can do all year, try a thankful bulletin (or white or chalk) board. Don’t have the space? Why not a gratitude jar? You can read over the slips of paper once a week or month depending on how often you add to it.

The nature of the project doesn’t matter as much as the fact that it gets your family members thinking about what they are thankful for and listening to what others in the family appreciate.

6. Be positive

Try to find the silver lining and flip a negative situation into a positive one. Instead of being upset that the rain stopped you from going on your family bike ride, ask them if they want to go jump in puddles instead.

You can help them see their own bright side in future tough times by asking them “What is something good that came out of this hard time?”

It is also important to practice being grateful for what you had, even if you no longer have it. You can say that you understand that your child is sad that their toy broke but point out that they were lucky to have it for as long as they did or remind them that they still have a similar one.

In certain situations (like the loss of a pet), you may need to wait a while before it is appropriate to look on the bright side but doing so will teach them that they have much to be grateful for, even on their bad days.

Putting in the time and effort to help your children cultivate an attitude of gratitude has so many benefits including teaching empathy, improving mental health, increasing engagement in schoolwork and hobbies, building healthier relationships, and may even effect other constructs like forgiveness, patience and self-control.

Thanksgiving is an important time to reflect but there is no reason you and your family can’t be thankful and reap the benefits all year round.