Parenting resolutions (that you will want to keep)

By Stacie Gaetz

I know what you are thinking… you saw the word “resolutions” in the headline and rolled your eyes.

Who makes resolutions anymore? No one sticks to them. What’s the point?

I couldn’t agree more.

The reason these parenting resolutions are different is that they are:

• Realistic
• Fun
• Effective
• Easy to Implement

We have all had those days when we wish we did something differently as a parent.

We wish we didn’t yell. That we had better prepared our children for something that overwhelmed them. That we could spend more time with them…. The list goes on.

Here are six practical tips to help you feel better about your interactions with your kids throughout the day, week, month, and year.

1. Create consistency

Keeping routines consistent helps a child know what to expect next, which reduces anxiety and improves behavior and overall mental health.

Predictable schedules and routines reduce the number of power struggles and build independence.

Consistent bedtimes, mealtimes, homework, and playtimes can go a long way to improving moods and reducing family arguments, especially during this time off of school.

Younger kids can benefit from visual schedules in the form of pictures posted on a wall to show when it is time to brush teeth, put on PJs and read a book. Older kids can respond well to timers to indicate things like bedtime and the beginning and end time for screentime.

Teens can sync their cell phones with yours to keep their home, school, and extracurricular schedules straight.

2. Intentionally involve them

As parents, we can get in the habit of always making the decisions. We have to when our kids are young and sometimes we forget to let this go as they get old enough to have input.

Ask them how they want to spend your time together.

Let them decide what is for dinner before you make it together.

If there is something you can’t agree on, like the amount of time they need to spend doing homework each night, ask them how long they think is reasonable and work together to make a compromise that works for both of you. This tactic can drastically reduce tension and conflict.

After all, don’t we all just want to feel like we are heard, and our opinions are being considered?

3. Show them self-care

It’s a cliché for a reason. You truly can’t effectively take care of anyone else if your needs are not met. We all know this and hear it all the time but if this isn’t enough of an incentive for you, know that when you take the time for yourself, you are teaching your kids to do the same. If you want them to slow down from time to time and make eating and sleeping well a priority for themselves, you must show them how. Self-care looks different for everyone but can include things like going for a walk, reading for fun, baking, taking a long bath or yoga.

4. Focus on fun

Get silly! As adults, we can get wrapped up in our own boring day-to-day stuff and forget that kids need fun. Ask your children “would you rather” questions out of the blue, start an impromptu pillow fight, offer to play their favorite video game with them unexpectedly or challenge them to a game of floor hockey after dinner.

The most important aspect is that you cater your fun to your individual child. Don’t force your little artist to participate in the family soccer game if they would rather draw. Get to know what they love and do it with them whenever you can.

5. Emulate emotions

Just as we teach kids their numbers and letters, it is our job to teach them about their emotions as well. We tend to assume that knowing that your fists clench and face turns red when you are angry is just instinct, but it is not. If you don’t tell a child that their stomach hurting and hands shaking is a sign of anxiety, they may think they are sick each time it happens.

It is easier than you think to teach kids about emotions. You can do this by noticing the signs of emotions in them and mentioning them. “I see that your head is down, and you have tears in your eyes, are you sad? Do you want to talk about what happened?” Talk about emotions in yourself. “This traffic is really slow! My face is feeling hot and my chest feels tight. I am going to take some deep breaths to calm down.” You can also point out feelings in books and movies to help them understand and learn how to cope with emotions.

6. Take the time

We are all guilty of sometimes (maybe even often) of not truly being with our children when we are with our children. Chores, emails, texts, making meals… there are so many things that pull our attention away from our kids every day.

We know that when our children do not get the positive attention they require in a day, they will take part in behaviors that will get them any kind of attention, even if it is negative.

This can be avoided by spending ten child-centred minutes with your kiddo (or each of your kiddos if you have more than one) per day.

Child-centred means they choose the activity and you do it in the way they want. LEGO? Dress up? Their favorite board game? Painting nails? Sword fighting? Whatever they want, they get, giving them the power they need to feel fulfilled.

Make sure your attention is 100 per cent on them during this time. This is not the time to check your phone or answer emails.

It is also important to let them control the play. Try not to correct anything they do. If they think the Barbie convertible should go in the mansion living room, let it happen.

At the end of playtime, let them know that you really enjoyed spending time with them and you can’t wait for to do it again tomorrow (maybe after an activity they don’t love – like homework – for some incentive).

Your relationship with your family is the most important thing in your life. As much as we all hate the word “resolution”, improving the way you interact with your children in 2023 should be a top priority (and it’s easy with these tips).