I quit! The reluctant athlete

 Concrete solutions to stop them from giving up

“The first step is to determine the child’s reason for wanting to quit.”

When I was growing up, the extent of my athletic experience was whatever the gym teacher made me do twice a week when I put on my goofy blue gym uniform. I hated it! How times have changed!

All three of my children have been involved in soccer, baseball, swimming, and taekwondo. And all three say that gym class is one of their favorite classes. I realize that sometimes it’s not easy to get kids to commit to sports activities, but the long-term benefits for your child make it worth the battle.

There are many positive aspects of youth sports. Sports promote teamwork, healthy self-esteem, and mastery of skills. Participation in sports also promotes a healthy lifestyle that can combat the TV-computer-couch-potato mentality of many of our children. It’s worth the effort to encourage your child to participate in some kind of sporting activity.

Here’s a section from my book, Perfect Parenting that address the issues of the reluctant athlete:

Question:

My child signs up for athletic lessons and then doesn’t like it and doesn’t want to practice. After a few sessions she wants to quit. How do I get her involved in sports and how do I get her to stay committed?

Think about it: The first step is to determine the child’s reason for wanting to quit. You can figure this out by talking to the child, talking to the coach, and watching a practice session and a game. There may be more than one reason. Review the solutions below for each reason.

1. The child isn’t skilled in the sport. Often children want to join a team because they enjoy watching the big league games on TV and playing with friends at the park. Once they join a team, however, they find that the game is harder than they thought and they don’t have the skills to play well. Practice – just what the child wants to avoid – is the key to an attitude adjustment. Explain to your child that it takes time and practice to play well and, because the session has just started, they must give it a fair chance.

Make an agreement that they must do their best for the session (or a specific amount of time). After that point, they can either continue, or stop and try something else. Put your agreement in writing and post it. Often a child can handle an activity for a short, specific amount of time, and, at the end of the time period, has adequate skills to enjoy the sport and can then make a better decision about continuing.

2. The child is not having fun. Sometimes, the actual involvement isn’t as fun as the child imagined. First, make sure the coach or teacher is compatible with your child. If there is a major personality clash, it may be worth it to change coaches. If your child is not correctly matched to the skill level of the team, their inability to keep up could prevent them from having fun. If all seems to be okay in these areas, you can build your child’s interest by taking them to a professional-level game and to a game involving kids a few years older than they are. Another way to increase your child’s commitment to the game is to have enough equipment at home for casual practice and to take the time to enjoy the game with your child, without the pressure of the formal game.

3. The sport takes up too much time: Most sports activities do require a time commitment from both child and parent. A child who is committed to more than one activity can easily feel overwhelmed. It’s usually best to focus on one extracurricular activity at a time so that the child still has some time left over after sports and school for free, unstructured play.

4. The child feels too much pressure: First experiences with team competition can be difficult for children. It’s especially hard if a child is not a great player. One way to remove some of the pressure is to cheer for the whole team, as opposed to the individual in the spotlight: “Go Redwings!” Another method is to focus on effort, skills, and technique: “Good swing! Nice try!” If a child doesn’t ask for advice about how to play better, don’t give any. Leave it to the coaches. Watch how you, other parents, the kids, and the coaches respond after a lost game. Look for something positive to say, “What a great effort!” Focus on a few positive details from the game. Find some time to play a casual version of the game at home or at the park so your child can enjoy the process without worrying about who wins.

Make sure you’re offering sports that fit your child’s personality. Some children are drawn to ball sports, such as baseball, soccer, and tennis. Others prefer swimming, horseback riding, gymnastics, or sailing. Analyze your child’s strengths and weaknesses, the things your child enjoys or avoids. Let your child try several different activities until they find one that suits them. You may have played baseball all through your childhood and love the game today, but if your child is drawn to swimming instead, open your heart and mind and support the sport your child chooses, while gently encouraging them to try your favorite, too.

Take your child to a few professional sporting activities of the types you would like them to consider. Often when children see skilled athletes and feel the excitement of the event, they become more interested in trying the activity themselves.

Find a sport activity you can enjoy with your child, such as martial arts, swimming, or tennis, and take lessons together. Children enjoy the attention from a parent and will learn to enjoy the sport in the process.

Elizabeth is a parent educator and president of Better Beginningings, Inc., a family resource and education company. She is author of Hidden Messages, Perfect Parenting and Kid Cooperation, which are available at pantley.com/elizabeth.